Here's how it went down. Sunday morning on the couch.
Amanda: The baby isn't crying, wanna do it?
Me: eeeeeeeee. Not really.................(45 second pause) But I could take care of you, no problem!
Amanda: No....That's ok. Then I'd have to get up and shower, and anyway I'm just not feeling too good.
We stare at each other as if we've never seen each other before. Her eyes are beady looking at me, and I can't really read them. The last thing I want to do is have sex. I feel gross, tired and aggravated. I suspect she feels the same.
I pat her leg and slink away to the kitchen. Instead of having my head rammed repeatedly into the headboard, I'll make 6 million lbs of sweet potato gnocchi. If that's not a sign of sexual frustration, I don't know what is.
So while I'm elbow deep in flour, I really think about this situation.
We have been trying to have sex for almost a month now. Whole weeks have gone by where we have literally tried every night, and where the baby would immediately start crying, like he had some sort of anti-sex sensor embedded in his forehead. We would give up, or immediately stop what we were doing and tend to him, often times falling asleep together on the bed, cantankerous and defeated.
I am so lonely for Amanda that I have dreamt about sex every night since our last encounter. This must be what it feels like to be a 14 year old boy.
Yet still I declined her last invitation for some lovin. Why?
Well, because I reasoned with myself, I am 110% absolutely fucking exhausted. But it's more than that too. Sex for me is like exercise, or an ice cold pool. If I keep it goin, it keeps on goin. If I put a stop to it, or it gets stopped by a needy first child, then dipping my toe back in becomes really hard. And It's not that I don't like sex. Anyone who knows Amanda and I can sometimes understand that we are too sexual with each other. I am certain I've seen some eye rolls and dirty looks from our friends. I get it, we're over the top. But we're in love. Still.
So what it boils down to, for me or any new mother is this....You're gonna get super fucking tired. You're gonna feel like jumping off a cliff instead of having sex sometimes, but don't say no! The first couple minutes, you might be cursing yourself, it might hurt a little because you'll be thinking about the strange noise the baby made earlier today, or whether or not Dish Nation will be another re-run. But go with it. Try to power everything else down and give yourself over completely to your man.
Sex is something you can still do for you, separate from being a mother. (Even though that's likely how you became one)
Also, I know I can be kinda out of the 1940's sometimes but, you always want to make sure to take care of your honey so they don't look outside of your dirty, baby furnished home for some love.
You fell off the horse, get your ass back on...
And Amanda, if you're reading this....come home...
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