We all know Amanda wasn't able to literally get me pregnant. It's a very sore subject for us, and probably for any queer couple because neither of us could have wanted anything more. I have always been in love with Amanda since the day I met her, and like most people who know her, I don't really see her as a woman. It even catches me off guard sometimes when people call Amanda "She" "Her" etc. Because she radiates manly habits. Because like any other husband, she doesn't listen when TV is on. She also lets the trash pile up in the can until is spills over, so I will take it out. So she doesn't have to. Typical male jerk.
If you don't know Amanda, you probably know someone who fits her exact description. Mens clothing. Mens attitude. Can fix cars and make all the girlies blush.
In order to have a baby who was related to us both, we used a donor from Amanda's family. Some queer couples choose to use an anonymous donor from a bank. Either way, it breaks my heart that Amanda would even for a second feel left out, or bad about herself that she couldn't get me pregnant.
Well, technically she did. She's got a hell of an aim. But you can figure that one out for yourselves.
So. My point in all of this rambling is this. Stop asking questions about the donor to any of your lgbt friends or family. Act as if said donor does not exist. Do you think either Amanda or I, or any queer couple wants to constantly be reminded of the fact that they had to use a donor? No, man. If we want to talk donor to you, we will. That's our choice. It's just not polite for you to bring it up first.
Also, it doesn't matter if the donor had the same color hair, the same chin, or the same sleeping habits. The donor is not working mind numbing hours to raise the baby. The donor does not experience every first smile, first step, first word. The donor doesn't love the baby. Amanda and I do. We are his parents. Just the two of us. No one else.
Family and friends, I implore you to make your "Amanda-esque" friends feel warm and comfortable and accepted as the father role in the baby's life. Because she is.
I'm pretty certain she will even let him get away with everything behind my nervous mommy back. And although it will make me angry at the time, it's totally acceptable, because that's what daddies do.
One last tip. Please don't just assume we both want to be called mommy. Because in fact we do not. Amanda is not a mommy. It also shouldn't confuse you. It is what it is.
Ask politely what the homo couple in your life would like to be called before you just assume. Because they've already painstakingly worked it out.
Ok. For real one last thing. When said couple tells you what they'd like to be called, keep your fucking comments to yourself. If you don't, you have every right to be kung fu sucker punched in the nose. No one cares about your opinion.
Just. Be. Curtious. After you get all of that out of the way, you will never have to stumble over your words again. And life can go on normally for all of us.
This has been your PSA for today. Goodbye.
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