I am out of breath (I'm out of shape, and I have high blood pressure) because I had to run down the stairs in the middle of the night, half nekkid, past open curtains, to retrieve the laptop, in the dark because even at 30, I'm super afraid of it.
Wanna know the fuck why???????? YES YOU DO!!!
Because I just read an article about women putting their placenta's into little gelatin capsules and EATING THEM! E.A.T.I.N.G. THOSE BITCHES.
Are you as startled as I am about this???
No?
Lemme show you a little picture.
Why does dried up placenta look like weed nuggets?
Ok...so apparently this is not a new thing. Apparently it happens all over the U.S, and I'm certain other places. I just didn't know about it until now.
So, when I first read the article. I pretty much threw up in my own mouth. Then, the more I thought about it, the more intrigued I became. Until ladies started talking about just putting it into smoothies. I totally draw the line there. I guess if I couldn't taste the placenta, I might - might be able to swallow some pills, but putting placenta powder in a twice daily smoothie? HAIIIILLLLL no.
Because this is just totally a completely bonkers idea, not necessarily bad, just bonkers, I wanted to include a short little FAQ about placenta pills. I want every mother intending to have more children to be fully educated on this, so they can have the choice to totally eat a piece of themselves. ughhh.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
ABOUT EATING ONES OWN PLACENTA
What is the appropriate term for eating one's own placenta in pill form?
People who are serious about this whacky shit call it Placenta Encapsulation. Use those two terms when googling.
How many pills can I get from my placenta?
Depending on the size of your placenta (which can differ from pregnancy to pregnancy) you can get anywhere from approximately 70-200 pills
What exactly is a placenta pill made of?
You can either opt for dehydrated placenta capsules or TCM capsules (Traditional Chinese Medicine). The dehydrated capsules are litereally just your placenta freeze dried or dehydrated for the amount of time it take you to work one full work day. Pretty much 8-10 hours. Dehydrated. Makes you wonder if you could do that yourself at home. Like just ask for it at the hospital, and the take it home, chunk it up, and just slap it in your own dehydrator. Leave that shit on, go to work and voila. Pinterest THAT.
The Traditional Chinese Medicine capsules have lemon, ginger and green chili.
Soooo....you know...you can pick flavored or unflavored, essentially.
What are the benefits of eating your placenta?
Supposedly you bleed less after baby.
Allegedly it supports milk supply, whatever that means.
It also is supposed to help replenish your hormones postpartum.
It can reduce stress.
It prevents Post Partum Depression.
Can Make a new mama more calm.
Can give lots of energy.
Are there any side effects from eating your own placenta?
Headache
PMS like symptoms
Cramping
The Shits
Rash
A dip in milk supply.
hmmmmm....
And now...A few quick quotes from women who have eaten their own placentas....
(This one is my FAV)
Sooooo...I'm still completely undecided about whether I would eat my own placenta, They whisked mine away after Jace was born for research, because of my high blood pressure. But the thing is, I don't remember giving them permission to do that. I mighta wanted to take it home, to feast on later.
It's killing me. I wish I could decide if I have the cahones to do this. Would you? Do you? Man oh Man.
Anyway, this has gotten long, but I do want to say that it can have huge benefits, and I would highly recommend encapsulation for those who are too queasy about ingesting it in another form. And I guess for me, I’d much rather a natural/free remedy than prescription drugs."