Bad Chinese

I just got the baby down, and I'm fighting a wicked case of diarrhea, which if you're a mother of a baby, you know how hard it is to run to the bathroom with a screaming child. I was pretty sure I was going to have to hold him while on the toilet. Thank GOD he went to sleep before THAT had to happen.

                                                          (WTF IS THIS PIC EVEN?)

Being the product of a welfare kid, I have this weird thing where I don't like to waste. So this morning was round three of Mui's Sweet and Sour Chicken, only this time, it's been mostly sour.
I've been working a lot of fiber into my diet by way of shredded wheat. I saw somewhere it makes for a flatter tummy, and I'd take out a bitches eye for one of those.
Last night Amanda and I went shopping. I am no longer comfortable in that two piece I SO took for granted, because of my lower tummy stretch marks (thanks Jace). I hate one pieces, because they are pretty frumpy, so I tried on a cut out one piece, ya know, with the hips showing. I could barely get that thing over my fat ass, and when I got it over my stomach, it literally looked like someone had rubber banded a pug.
Legit.

It was nast.

So, i went home with a three pack of thongs (prolly shouldn't be wearing those anymore either) and a shirt suitable for nursing.

Anyway, as much as I love rambling in my posts, that's not really what this blog is about.
What it is about is this...

Ever since I've had Jace, I've been ready to have another baby. For most women, once you start having children, the urge to have more is infinitely stronger. If we could afford it, I'd want a Duggar style family, cause you know those kids take care of each other, like a self cleaning oven.

But we can really only afford two, until I push Amanda to get a corporate job (just kidding, dear)

All of our friends are pregnant. One of my friends is even pregnant with freaking TWINS. Lucky bitch. She gets to sneak an extra baby in there, and her husband can't tell her no.

I'm so ready. But also. I'm insanely scared.
These are the things I'm most afraid of.

1. Jace is not an easy baby. He demands so much attention, I'm pretty sure even Amanda feels left out.
2. How will I have the time for more than one? There's no daycare in our family. This shit is gonna be all me, all the time.
3. How will I love another baby as much as I love Jace? I don't even know if that's possible. I love everything he does all the time, and if I get mad at him, it is never for more than three seconds.
4. If Jace has taken this much time out of my sex life, what is baby number 2 going to do to it?
5. Jace was an adjustment on our marriage. Will baby number 2 be an even bigger adjustment?
6. What if it's not a girl?
7. What if it is a girl?
8. What if I miscarry?
9. How will I be able to spend an equal amount of time with new baby and with Jace? The last thing I want is for him to feel left out.
10. How will I nurse and chase at the same time? I'm not a big fan of screaming at my kids, so I'm not sure how running after them, and doing the eye to eye thing (whilst threatening in a scary whisper tone, and clutching an arm with a death grip) AND balancing a nursing baby will be possible.

Also, since I've had Jace I look like a million years older. Is my body going to get worse? Will I look like Abe Lincoln after baby two?

I don't know. I'm so ready for this next baby, but I'm so scared. Why are the best things in life the biggest gamble? ughhhh. I wish pregnancy was like ripping off a bandaid. I wish I could just hurry up and do it, and get the damn thing over with, before I have time to think.