Eff you Kate Middleton

Look at this shit right here. Just look at it. Why does it look like Kate Middleton, Princess of Perfect, look like she never even had a baby? How is it that only three months after the birth of her son she appears to be what is a very narrow size 2. Son of a Bitch.

Before I had Jace, I was a sizzling size 6. I loved getting dressed everyday. I had drawers and drawers of form fitting skinny jeans in every color of the denim rainbow. I looked good no matter what. Everything fit me just so, unless you include the length of things because I'm short as hell, topping out at a measly 5 foot 2 if it's on a day I'm not slouchy. I stood on top of my stool, which teetered on top of my soap box, and clucked at any woman who did not have a good body, regardless of whether she had kids or not.
"Just go to the gym like me, losers" I'd think to myself while twirling in front of the mirror, admiring my perfect little buttcheeks.

I was a drug addict, and my addiction was being skiiiinayyyy.
But that was then.

I guess I just never understood until now. Shame on me. This is karma full force.

Some days I catch my reflection, and I am puffy. I've filled out like a Polish gramma, round in the middle, facial expression like a gremlin. I jump back on those days, horrified at what my body has become. I straighten my posture, and suck in my gut. God damn it!
"How can I get back to meeeeee?" I wonder.

And I realize, until the baby is older, or I become a princess and get a nanny nurse who can take care of the baby while I focus only on me, me, me, I'm stuck with this jiggly version of myself. Also, I'm pretty sure my hips have shifted outwardly, so I'm not sure If i'll ever get back into my sixes again.
Sure, I do my ab workouts when the baby is doing floor time. Some days I even do lunges while I'm wearing him in the pack.
But any real mother without help, or the finances to go to a gym with a daycare will tell you, it's just not about you anymore. Not until you can weasel time away for yourself. And when you can finally do that, will you really want to spend it at the gym, or will you want to spend it doing something that involves rest, or a shower?

So. I apologize to any woman I have secretly judged in my head. Baby or no, it's not my business why anyone carries extra fluff, and I'm sorry I had nothing better to do before than to worry about the weight of my fellow sisters.

But no matter what, the last thing anyone who just had a baby wants to see, is how quickly rich people, who don't really realllly take care of their own children, bounce back from being pregnant. Eff you Kate Middleton. Pull your shirt over your washboard abs and have some respect for those of us who are still longing for the days when we will be back to our pre-baby weight...should that ever again, happen.