I want to write to you a little letter about the changes you will go through now that your wife has become not just wife
but also wife and mother
So many things are going to be different now, boys. So many things. I'm sure you have caught onto that during the pregnancy stages of this new life the two of you have embarked upon. You have had approximately ten months to get used to hormones and mood swings. So why have you not coped? Because you probably didn't take that time seriously, and now the baby is here, and you're unprepared for a few things, you're caught like a naked teenager in class, and you may be feeling very awkward by now.
Let me just throw a few things your way. Keep this as a reference if you need. It might come in handy.
Mood Swings
These don't end after pregnancy. They sometimes can even get a little worse right after the baby is born. Jace is almost three months now, and while the anger portion of my mood swings has fizzled out a little bit, the random bouts of sadness and irritation still run rampant. For example. Just the other day I was crying on the toilet, because the mere memory of having my son bought me to tears. Instant tears. Do you know what it's like to pee and cry? No, sir, you do not.
Your Role
Just as with pregnancy, be real sensitive. Even if we are being 100% irrational and every fiber in your being is telling you to disagree with us- don't. Smile and nod, like you do with any crazy person. Just to make us feel better. And validated. I cannot tell you how comforting it is to be validated when you are having a bad day.
Body after Baby
Women can understandably become very uncomfortable with how their new body's look after having a small person in them. They change in so many ways. The way my body has changed may be different than the way your wife's body has changed. But no matter what, things will sag where they didn't before, or dimple where they used to be supple. And everywhere her body has changed, she is well aware of that.
Your Role
Even if you've had a long day at the office, and all you want to do is come home and veg and say or do nothing, Please, Please Please, take a few minutes to brush your wife's hair away from her face, nuzzle into her neck and tell her how beautiful she is. After all, she may not even be dressed, or have eaten. Make her feel like a princess even if it's for 30 seconds. She's been tending to your baby all day. She deserves it. And for the love of GOD, never comment on any weight gain, stretch mark or cellulite pocket, because I SWEAR, if you do, I will come punch your lights out myself.
Pets
You may have one, you may have three, or you may be shit ass crazy and have nine like we do. They used to be your wife's babies. She used to carry them, dress them and take their picture. They are still your buddies. You will always have a frat boy-like relationship with them, especially now that the baby is here. They are after all, the closest thing that you have left to your old bachelorette lifestyle. But understand me clearly. Your wife now has a baby that replaces those feelings she had for her pets. The pets were just practice, much like her first couple of boyfriends/girlfriends were. Now she's in the big leagues.
Your Role
When she yells about the dogs or cats or ginuea pigs, or anything else that becomes just another thing she has to take care of, when she doesn't really have the time, let her vent, man! Don't get all up in arms and defensive about your precious animals. Even agree with her, because it will calm her down and get her off of your case. And try to understand that she barely has time for herself anymore. It's very hard to take care of extra beings when you have a brand new baby. Also, try to gently dissuade her from getting rid of her pets. She doesn't really mean it, and even if she does, try to make things easier on her. It's not fair to the pets that they be out on their asses. Step up your game, and help out a little. Take some of the burden off of her. Remember, she's just venting.
Sex
Every woman is different. One of my friends didn't want to have sex for over six months after the baby. Another one of my friends still doesn't want to have sex and it's been over four years! I on the other hand was ready for sex right away, and could barely wait for clearance. Ok. We didn't really wait. But whatever.
Your Role
Always remind your wife how attractive and sexy she is to you. Most likely she'll scowl and point out some flaw. When she does that, look her in the eyes and tell her she is your everything. Or that she is the most beautiful woman you've ever met. Tell her you're ready to have sex when she is. Don't push it, but every once and a while, nibble on an earlobe, kiss the back of her neck, or rub her leg. THEN walk away. Don't over crowd. That way you are giving her the option to tell you when she's ready, but you're still treating her with the attention she deserves.
Down Time
If you were not the one to have the baby, I cannot even try to explain to you how tired, dirty, hungry and busy we are. Especially if your wife is a stay at home mom. We need to do things for ourselves and it is your job to facilitate that.
Your Role
Take the baby for a couple hours so she can sleep, or do her nails, or take a bath, or go out with girlfriends. She desperately needs to replenish her calm bank, or she may just go apeshit on you, and no one needs that. Whatever you do, don't tell her that work counts as a day out. One of my friend's husband said that to her. What a mistake. Give her some time to herself. She will reward you with a kind word, a hearty dinner, or a romp in the hay. Money back guarantee.
Gents, there are so many other tips I could give you, but here I have mentioned the biggies. The rest you will have to figure out for yourself. But if you follow this basic set of rules, you should be ok.
Once you get the first baby down, the second one should be smooth sailing for you. Just keep your wife in mind, like you did when you first courted her, and your time at home will go from tip-toeing around corners, back to the old times. Or at least as close as you can get with a new baby.
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